The Paradox of Pursuing Happiness: Insights From Depth Psychology

“We are not here to fit in, be well balanced, or provide exempla for others. We are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps strange, perhaps merely to add our small piece, our little clunky, chunky selves, to the great mosaic of being… we are here to become more and more ourselves.” ― James Hollis, What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life

Jung differentiates the first and second halves of life, with the first being largely focused on developing an identity to succeed in the world. As adolescents we explore different social groups and activities, internalizing aspects of these things to form an identity. Our identity often relates to what music we listen to, how we dress, our hobbies and interests, and what we’re good at. We base our sense of self on the people and interests closest to us. This allows us to connect with others who share our values and helps us feel a sense of belonging in the world. The second half of life is in direct opposition to the first, where we must release our constructed sense of self to allow the space for a more authentic and unique sense of self to emerge. “The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it.” -Carl Jung

Jung called this process Individuation, which is really a great word for it. We move from a social and cultural identity to a truly individual sense of self. While in the first half of life we internalize aspects of our environment, in the second half we explore and express the truths which arise from within, individuating ourselves from group identities.

Jung explained that our shadow constitutes the parts of ourselves we reject or avoid looking at because these aspects don’t fit with the way we’d like to see ourselves. He explained that we each have in us the forces for the greatest good and also the greatest evil. We have the potential to commit the same horrible atrocities that we see in the world and throughout history, and so long as we deny that we have these potentials, they act on us unconsciously. “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” -Carl Jung

In my own experience, for example, I long noticed I was triggered by people who were loud and overly expressive. I eventually realized that this was because there is some part of me that wanted to be more expressive, to take up more space, but I feared people’s judgment, in the same way I was judging others.