How to Live

Friends are great at the right distance. Just like you can’t read something if it’s pushed up against your face, or too far away, you should keep your friends at arm’s length — close but not too close.

Have more than one romantic partner, or none. To avoid emotional dependence, never have just one. Don’t worry about being lonely. Nothing is more lonely than being with the wrong person. It’s always better to be alone.

You can’t be free without self-mastery. Your past indulgences and habits might be addictions. Quit a harmless habit for a month, just to prove you can.

Own your own business with many small customers to avoid depending on any big client. Offer products, not a personal service, so your business can run without you. Create many sources of income like this.

Don’t sign contracts. Be willing to walk away from anything.

You’ve been looking for the best person, place, or career. But seeking the best is the problem. No choice is inherently the best. What makes something the best choice? You. You make it the best through your commitment to it. Your dedication and actions make any choice great.

This is a life-changing epiphany. You can stop seeking the best option. Pick one and irreversibly commit. Then it becomes the best choice for you. Voilà.

When a decision is irreversible, you feel better about it. When you’re stuck with something, you find what’s good about it. When you can’t change your situation, you change your attitude towards it. So remove the option to change your mind.

Trust helps your happiness more than income or health. Invite your neighbors over for a meal. Make friends. Make the effort. Borrow and lend. Trust and show you can be trusted. Let them know they can lean on you because you’re here to stay. They’ll reciprocate.

When you stay in one place, daily life is better. There’s little incentive for businesses to give good service to someone who’s only passing through. But by committing to a community, people treat you better. The rules are different. They know they’ll see you every week so it’s in their best interest to treat you well. You’re more of a friend than a stranger.

The more social ties we have, the happier we are. The bond of friendship is one of the deepest joys in life.

You’re defined by what you do repeatedly. Your habits create your character.

Once you decide what’s important to you, you know how your ideal self will act and what your ideal day will be. So why not act that way and live that day every day? Commit to your habits to make them rituals.

If it’s not important, never do it. If it’s important, do it every day.

Rockets use most of their fuel in the first minute of flight, to escape the pull of gravity. Once they get outside that pull, it’s effortless. Same with your habits. Starting is hard. The rest is easy.

Commit to one career path. Build your expertise and reputation over time. Because you cut off other options, you won’t be derailed by distraction. Since you’re committed, you can’t fail. Even if it takes you years longer than expected, it’s not failure until you give up.

This even goes for technical choices, whether hardware or software. Pick one. Commit to it. Learn it deeply. This is much more rewarding than always switching and searching for the best.

Marriage is for getting through the times when you’re not in love. Expect things to get bad. Your mutual commitment gives you the security to weather the storms, knowing they won’t destroy the relationship. Be loving even when you’re not feeling loving.

Commitment gives you peace of mind. When you commit to one thing, and let go of the rest, you feel free. Once you decide something, never change your mind. It’s so much easier to decide just once.

Commitment gives you integrity and social bonds. Commitment gives you expertise and power. Commitment gives you love and happiness. Committing is how to live.

How to pay for this wonderful life? Only two choices.

The bad choice is a travel writer. Looks glamorous and easy, so everyone tries it. May be possible, but every rich kid does it for free.

The smart choice is sales. It will always be valuable. Learn to sell, and you can go anywhere. You’ll be paid well at any age. Always in high demand. Get a job on the road. Always talking to strangers. That’s what you need.

Practice seduction. Be with a different person every night. Every lover is different. Don’t allow relationships. Remember: no repetition.

But after decades of this, you’ll need something radically new. Stay in one place. Be with one person. Buy a home. Raise a baby. It’s terrifying, but if you don’t, it will be the one experience you never had.

People destroy relationships with an angry over-reaction. The metaphors for “blowing off steam” or “venting” are wrong. Expressing your anger doesn’t relieve it. It makes you angrier.

Don’t hope. Hope is wanting things to be different than they are. Wanting to change yourself is self-loathing. There’s no deeper happiness than wanting nothing. Desire is the opposite of peace.

Most of what people say and do is unnecessary. Most talk is just noise. The English word “noise” comes from “nausea”. Say nothing unless it must be said.

People will appreciate your silence, and know that when you speak, it must be important. Shallow rivers are noisy. Deep lakes are silent.