How My Day Is Going

Chunks of my identity are falling off, month by month. Parts of me that kept track of my social status and my anxieties are relaxing and falling into the void. What’s left, increasingly, is a feeling of complete satisfaction with the way things are. You know that feeling of drinking a glass of water that’s exactly correctly cool on a hot day? Imagine that feeling, on your soul, moment after moment.

This is the eeriest part. Previously, I would have expected a diminished sense of agency to make me act robotically, or sap my motivation. But now that I’m entering this territory myself, I find that I’m more engaged, sincere, and loving when I’m not getting in the way of the universe. I am quick with a compliment, or a dumb joke, or a poem dashed off to a friend during an idle moment of the workday. This is less of a surprise when I think of how, often, we are at our most creative and authentic in flow states, when we’re not attending to ourselves. We abandon ourselves and something else takes over, and yet this is when our finest qualities display themselves.