Getting Traction With Self-Compassion
Jude Star
Self-compassion is essential for our well-being, but many struggle to practice it due to cultural pressures and unrealistic comparisons. Instead of pursuing superficial success, we should focus on meaningful values and rewrite our self-judgmental beliefs. By cultivating compassion for ourselves, we can reconnect with our innate goodness and lead more fulfilling lives.
13 Oct 2024
With globalization and modern media, the scale with which we measure success has changed, leaving the vast majority of people feeling that they are always positioned somewhere towards the bottom.
It is true that we need challenges to thrive. It has been shown we are happier and healthier when we have meaningful challenges. But there is a hierarchy. Some challenges are better than others; some lead to further isolation and dissatisfaction, while others lead to more satisfying feelings of connection and purpose.
While the American Dream resulted in progress and innovation in the outer world, it failed to address the deeper and more fundamental needs of our inner world.
Buddhism teaches that our fundamental nature is good and compassionate. We have this innate goodness, but it gets buried by self-judgment and ignorance in general. Bringing insight into why and how we judge ourselves is the first step to excavating our natural goodness.
I’ve noticed that most people can feel a sense of compassion towards a younger version of themselves, but not so much towards their present day selves.
You can try this now: simply imagine that you are with a past baby version of yourself, and notice if there is a general sense of compassion, or any judgment toward this infant.
If you can feel a general sense of compassion and care towards this baby version of yourself, then imagine yourself a few years older, a toddler now, and see if you can still feel this sense of care.
Keep exploring, at your own pace, imagining yourself a few years older each time, seeing if you can feel a sense of compassion and care towards yourself at each age.
Notice at what point compassion for yourself becomes more difficult. Then reflect and see what was going on in your life then? What judgment arose that made it more difficult to be self-compassionate at this time?
The reality is the world is tough, and raising a child is extremely difficult. Few people have the resources they need, both inner and outer, to raise a child in an attentive, loving, and patient manner.
It is in fact impossible to be a perfect parent. Children must experience disappointment to some degree. If their needs are always met immediately, they will be traumatized as soon as they step out into the real world.