Be Sincere—Not Serious
Michael Ashcroft
In this article, the author discusses the difference between being serious and being sincere, and how adopting a posture of sincerity can lead to a more enjoyable and effective approach to life's challenges. The author draws on the work of British philosopher Alan Watts and the distinction between finite and infinite games to explain that seriousness precludes sincerity. The article provides examples of how a sincere, playful approach can lead to better outcomes in work and personal life, and offers tips for cultivating sincerity, such as focusing on enjoyment and perspective.
9 Aug 2023
The distinction gave me a new tool—a lens to help me identify when a curious, playful approach to challenges might be more effective than tension and struggle. Using the meanings I’ll explore below, it turns out that you can’t be serious and sincere at the same time. Seriousness precludes sincerity
For the most part, you’d be better served by being sincere rather than serious. Yet in life, we often gravitate towards the reverse. Let’s dive into the difference between the two and show you how to access the life-changing magic of sincerity
Imagine you're playing a board game with someone who takes the game too seriously. In trying to win or follow the rules to the letter, some people seem to forget that it is, ultimately, just a game that will end, with life going on regardless of the outcome. When I play games too seriously, I don’t have much fun, and later, once the game is over, I worry that I ruined the fun for others. Being serious turns the game into a drag. Even if I technically “win,” it doesn’t feel that way in the end.
Consider the alternative stance, one in which you never lose awareness of the fact that it's just a game. This doesn't mean you can't be fully involved in the game itself, playing to the best of your ability and aiming for a particular outcome. That’s what it means to play sincerely—to be engrossed in the experience of the game without taking it too seriously. In my experience, that approach is a lot more fun for everyone involved
Again, Watts got there first, when he said: “We thought of life by analogy with a journey, a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end, and the thing was to get to that end, success or whatever it is, maybe heaven after you’re dead. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played.”
There are many non-physical things in life that also benefit from commitment to the process without stressing about the outcome. Difficult conversations at work, parenting, writing, and other pursuits suffer when you prioritize the result (the finite game) over the process (the infinite game). If you can cultivate a sense of playfulness within the challenges of life, you might be surprised by what you can accomplish